When I was 15 I discovered liquid eyeliner and curlers and it felt like I’d found the key to confidence. Armed with winged eyeliner and bouncy curls, I felt sassy and confident, it made me feel like a new person, I didn’t care what people thought of me and discovered that I could use my voice for more than to just apologise. I didn’t go a day for about 6 months without the two. I believed this new lease of life was all down to a line of black on my eyes and kinks in my hair.
Up until this point in my life I had had 0 confidence in myself, I was an anxious, apologetic sheep, who didn’t want to be seen or heard. Although now I’m still quite anxious, I am confident in myself, I won’t apologise for stupid things, I’ll speak up and not mind being looked at (to a certain extent). I’m not afraid to answer questions in class when I know the answer, I’m not afraid to buy that top that isn’t my kind of thing and the reason that I didn’t start my blog until this year was because of what other people would think. To be frank, I really do not care, I do things for me and nobody else, I’m well aware people read my blog and I might get looked at for my top but that’s fine, I’m happy with them and that’s all that matters.
Anyway, back to my point, only until 6 months in to getting up early for my newfound routine did I question myself. I wondered if Soap and Glory had produced a magic eyeliner with the quality to make you confident and sassy or if I had it in me all along. The latter made a lot more sense. So that day, I didn’t wear the eyeliner and left my hair naturally frizzy and I still felt confident and happy, although I may have got asked if I was ill a few times. That was my moment of realisation. The ability to love myself and be confident had been inside of me, I didn’t need to paint/curl it on.
This gave me an added confidence boost (and an extra 30 minutes sleep) as I could just be myself and still be this new version of myself, who I’d fallen in love with. I’d consider myself now to be quite a confident person, I do struggle socially but I’m confident in myself, which is so important. I love the person I am. Now I don’t associate putting makeup on with confidence and I don’t use heat products on my hair and I’m sure if I told my 14 year old self this she’d laugh, then apologise.
I suppose this is just part of growing up and I’m so glad I experienced it otherwise I may have still been that unconfident girl today, thank God I’m not. Being confident opens up a lot of doors for me, it has helped me to improve my grades, form friendships, get a job and wear what I want rather than what I think I should. My poorly applied eyeliner and messy curls served my 15 year old self well but I won’t be going back to that again. This is the only picture I have from that time, although it isn’t too clear, I do have the thick black eyeliner on and some curls
I’ve worn glasses for so long now, they’ve become part of who I am and are probably my defining feature. Over the years my eyesight as got progressively worse so my glasses became a long term fixture. I tend to hide behind my glasses, they’re my physical and mental layer of protection. In an attempt to break away from this, I’m currently trying contact lenses, which I’m hoping will make me feel more confident with my appearance whilst also allowing me to see clearly. This isn’t completely relevant to the topic of confidence but I thought I’d include this as it is a part of my life which many would just dismiss, however wearing glasses is becoming a bugbear for me.
I saw an amazing quote which sums up this whole post- ‘Wear confidence like makeup’.
Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it, please have a look at my social medias and past posts, and let me know if you have any suggestions for future posts! 🙂
My social media:
Instagram: @molliewesthead (I love an aesthetic insta, this is probably my favourite social media)